All's Fair in Pranks and War Not to Mention Love
by Two Drunk Elves
Summary: All's fair in pranks and war, right? What about love? What will happen to Lily and James and the tangled webs they weave? A roundrobin fic written by Dobby and hic Winky, the two Drunk Elves!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hi, this is Winky, and my friend Dobby and I are writing this fic together. I am writing the first chapter, and will post it before Dobby can do anything! Aren't I evil? And, I'm leaving a huge-mung-gous cliffy!

**Disclaimer:**

Winky: Hello.

Dobby: Hello.

Winky: hic hi. We are the Drunk Elves!

Dobby: Hey, you're the drunk one!

Winky: Anyway, hic we do not hic own Harry Potter.

Dobby: He owns us! We work for him!

Winky: Work hic good!

Dobby: Onto the story!

James needed to go.

You know what I mean.

GO.

Really badly.

Really really badly.

Really really really badly.

He was standing in the Head Boy and Girl's carriage on the Hogwarts Express.

And, either the door wasn't letting him in, or the Head Girl was having problems.

She _had_ been in there for at least twenty minutes.

James was getting impatient.

Who _was_ the Head Girl anyway?

He hoped that it wasn't one of those stupid blonde bimbos that followed him around all the time.

Dumbledore wasn't stupid enough to do that.

But that _would_ explain the bathroom door had been locked for the last twenty minutes.

Lily was nervous.

Really nervous.

Extremely nervous.

Being nervous wasn't really like her.

At all.

She was _never _nervous!

She guessed that it might have to do with the fact that she was Head Girl.

And stuck in the bathroom.

Well, not exactly stuck.

Just, she didn't want to go out of the bathroom.

She looked like a nervous wreck.

And someone kept pounding on the door.

She guessed it was her friend, because there was a boys' bathroom right next to the girls'.

The person sounded like they were hopping from foot to foot, and they were pounding the door a lot.

'_God, is that person a stupid idiot,'_ she thought.

She sighed. She really, really didn't want to meet the Head Boy.

Really really really really didn't want to meet the Head Boy.

'_I guess anytime is better than later,' _she thought, and she pushed open the door.

To find someone tall with his back to her.

With messy black hair.

And her head was like, up to his armpit, he was that tall.

She smirked.

Then the person turned around and he smirked.

Then the smirks dropped off both of their faces.

"Evans?"

"Potter?"

"Care to explain why you took so long in the bathroom?" he asked pointedly.

She blushed.

"Care to explain why you waited for me when there is just another toilet over there?" She pointed.

He blushed.

Than ran into the toilet.

And slammed the door.

Lily burst out laughing.

James Potter must have been waiting outside that toilet for at least twenty minutes.

At least.

But that meant…

James Potter was Head Boy?

Darn. She had hoped for Remus.

Or that cute Hufflepuff seeker, Amos Diggory.

But James Potter?

Dumbledore must be mad.

James Potter was slicking his hair back in the mirror.

He had finally gotten to go to the…

Well, you know.

He couldn't believe Lily Evans was Head Girl.

The prettiest, most beautiful girl at Hogwarts, the one he had decided in fourth year was the perfect girl for him. Coincidentally, this was around the same time that she decided he was a massive git.

His stupid hair wouldn't lie flat, no matter what he did to it. He sighed, giving up on trying to get it to behave and walked out the door.

Lily was nowhere to be seen, but they had nearly reached Hogwarts anyway. He could see the great castle towering over with lights in the windows.

'_This year_,' he vowed, '_I'm going to get Lily to go out with me.'_

"I hope you enjoyed our magnificent feast!" said Dumbledore cheerfully. "Now, before you all go and fall onto your beds, I have one last announcement.

"Lily Evans, please come forward. Congratulations on becoming Head Girl!" There was a thunderous applause, coming from all the house tables, mostly Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Even some Slytherins clapped. They liked seeing Lily yell at and humiliate James Potter.

Once the noise had died down, Dumbledore continued, "Lucius Malfoy, please come forward…"

Winky: Hope you be liking that. Also, to Dobby: SUCKER! I am soooo evil.

Dobby: I is not liking that…. I is loving it! Please Read and Review!

Winky: And we love butterbeer. hic

Dobby: I is liking firewhiskey better!


	2. Who is REALLY Head Boy?

A/N: Hi, this is Dobby, and I have done by best to write another chapter to my evil friend Winky's story. I have left a sorta cliffy for you too, Winky!

**Disclaimer:**

Dobby: As you is all knowing, we is working for Harry Potter sir, so we is obviously not owning him.

Winky: hic Is it over? Now can I have some butterbeer?

Dobby: Winky, the disclaimer is very important! We is not wanting people to sue us, or else we cannot buy firewhiskey!

Winky: hic Oh.

The entire Great Hall had fallen so silent that you could hear the dying candles spitting wax. James' jaw had dropped. Lily had visibly paled. Lucius Malfoy looked at Lily and smirked.

Lily was shocked.

Really shocked.

Really really shocked.

Really really really shocked.

Shocked and … disappointed?

_What? _thought Lily. _But I thought Potter was Head Boy. Why Malfoy? Even POTTER is better than bloody MALFOY! At least Potter doesn't hate me. At least Potter doesn't call me a MUDBLOOD!_

"…You will serve detention with Filch tonight. If you are done with your food, please go to the dungeons." Malfoy left the Great Hall, looking sulky.

"Where was I?" asked Dumbledore. "Oh yes, congratulations to James Potter, our new Head Boy!" There was a louder applause for James than Lily, because half the girls in Hogwarts liked him. The other half liked Sirius. Only the Slytherin table remained stubbornly silent.

James was relieved.

Really relieved.

Really really relieved.

Really really really relieved.

_Wow!_ He thought. _For a moment there, I thought Dumbledore was going to make MALFOY Head Boy!_

James, grinning, walked up to Dumbledore and Lily. He looked at Lily and could've sworn for a split second that she looked happy. As fast as it came, however, it was gone. Her face was unreadable.

As the school got to its feet, yawning and stretching, Dumbledore said quietly, "Mr. Potter, Miss Evans, come to my office for a quick word before you go to bed."

"Yes, Professor Dumbledore," replied Lily.

"Sure thing, Prof.!" said James enthusiastically.

Lily rolled her eyes. _Honestly_, she thought, _Potter's more childish than those screaming first years on the train, and that's saying something!_

Dumbledore wasn't fazed. He merely smiled and walked down the corridor, both of them following.

Lily determinedly didn't look at James. She didn't really know how she felt about this. On one hand, at least she wasn't with Malfoy. On the other hand, she probably wouldn't work too well with Potter, either.

_Who's worse?_ She asked herself. _A guy you hate who calls you a Mudblood or a guy you hate who won't quit asking you out? _She would rather have Remus or even Amos as Head Boy.

When they reached Dumbledore's office, he said clearly, "Blood-flavored lollipop!" The stone gargoyle jumped to life and they stepped into the office.

"What I wanted to talk to you about is the upcoming Halloween Ball. Traditionally, the Head Boy and Girl have always organized this. I trust that this year's one will be spectacular." He smiled at them, before continuing in a more serious tone, "The school needs this to take their minds off the Dark times ahead of us. Will you two work together to make this Ball a success? I wouldn't normally ask, but you two have a history of not getting along very well."

Lily reddened slightly. James looked sheepish. "You can count on us, Professor," he said sincerely.

"Very well, Mr. Potter. I was just making sure. You will both be living in the Head dormitories from now on. Good night."

Lily, who had been about to leave the office, stopped dead in her tracks. "Wait a minute, Professor," she said with an odd expression on her face. "We have to share dormitories?"

Dobby: AAAHAHA! I is evil!

Winky: Hmph.


	3. My very own room with Potter, darn

Winky: Hope you hic like.  
Dobby: I hic like!  
Winky: Please hic read  
Dobby: and hic review!  
Winky: Also, because we work for Mr. Harry Potter we could not possibly own him!  
Dobby: We love Mr. Harry Potter!

"Yes, Lily, you have to share dorms with Mr. Potter as you are both Heads."

James looked like Christmas had come early.

Lily looked, well, she had mixed emotions.

Sort of.

Not really.

She was, on a whole, mad.

But she wouldn't show that.

At least, not to Dumbledore.

_'Yes! Yes! I get to share a dorm with Lily! Yeah, I guess we will have different rooms, but it's a start!' _James thought as they trudged down the stairs to find the Head's portrait hole.

James was happy.

No, make that ecstatic.

Dumbledore abruptly stopped at a portrait of a unicorn.

He turned to the two Heads, and told them the password was, "Patience, but I can change it now if you would like."

Lily wanted to change it right away.

James wanted to keep it.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he left them to it.

"No, Potter, can we please change it?"

"Evans, why can't we keep it? Besides, Dumbledore has gone!"

Lily blushed, and muttered the password.

The Unicorn's portrait swung open and they went in.

It was magnificent.

They had their own shared common room/study area, and to the left, there were two bedrooms.

Lily fell in love with it straight away.

James was staring at her, in love with her instead of the room.

_'Lily is so beautiful when she is amazed,'_ James thought as he headed into the room that had 'James Potter' engraved on the door.

He opened the door, and found the room of his dreams – actually, it was a lot like his room at home.

Nice king-sized bed with hangings, Quidditch posters everywhere, bookshelf with a few magazines on it (Wow, awesome, a copy of Playwizard!), and so forth.

He dropped his bag and trunk and lay down on the bed.

He smiled.

Lily was amazed.

No really.

Coming from a Muggle family, she could never get over the splendour the wizards could live in, just because they could magic things up and Muggles had to work for them.

But that was beside the point.

She looked around.

Pictures of all her friends decorated the wall, Muggle and wizard photos alike. Her white bed had embroidered lilies on it, and there was a bookshelf that ran all around the room, already littered with all of her favourite books.

She was in love with this room.

She peeked in one of the two doors that stood on the left of her room.

A lovely scent filled the air – it was the bathroom.

She had an adjoining bathroom!

Woohoo!

Sorry, we're getting a little hyper here.

And on with the story…

But there was another door by the side of the bathroom.

What was that there for?

Lily cautiously pulled it open, but at the same time someone pushed it open, so the result was Lily being knocked onto her back, and the person being knocked on top of her.

Lily opened her eyes.

Winky: I is evil, I is evil, I is evil! (Does a little jig)  
Dobby: I is liking that, but YOU IS EVIL!  
Winky: I know.  
Dobby: Now I'll have to do a huge-mung-gous cliffy for you!  
Winky: Doh.  
Dobby: Eh, Ish Kish Kapish.

Winky: Please, Please review.  
Dobby: Hope you liked.  
Kreacher: Mwa ha ha, I am deleting this story!  
Dobby: Kreacher, what the #$ are you doing in my and Winky's story?  
Winky: Get out!  
Dobby: Thanks!  
Winky: Please, please review again.


	4. We SHOULD be more careful with doors

**A/N:** This is getting to be a sort of pattern, isn't it? Leaving cliffies, I mean. You're so evil, Winky, but I tried my best!

**Disclaimer:**

Dobby: I is owning many socks and many woolly hats, but I is not owning Mr. Harry Potter sir.

Winky: I is agreeing with Dobby except for that hats/socks comment.

Dobby: There's nothing wrong with hats and socks!

Winky: hic I never said there was!

Kreacher: I is delet-

Winky: hic Oh, not you again!

muffled screams and a thud, then silence

Dobby: Ahem…now, onto the story!

**Chapter Four – We Really SHOULD be More Careful With the Doors**

End of Chapter Three

But there was another door by the side of the bathroom.

What was that there for?

Lily cautiously pulled it open, but at the same time someone pushed it open, so the result was Lily being knocked onto her back, and the person being knocked on top of her.

Lily opened her eyes.

The REAL start of Chapter Four

_I wonder where that door leads to,_ thought James. He pushed it open at the same time that someone on the other side pulled it. As a result, he ended up on top of them.

Seeing a pair of green eyes open, he hurriedly got off her. "Sorry, Lil," he hastily. "I was just wondering where that door led to! I didn't mean for that to happen, honest!" He cringed, waiting for the blow to fall.

When Lily didn't start yelling at him, he opened his eyes. She wasn't even looking at him. She was examining the door. He thought he heard her mutter, "I'm going to permanently lock this thing," but wasn't really sure.

She sighed, finally looking at him. "Don't worry about it, Potter," she said. "It wasn't really your fault that somebody up there has it in for me." When he looked blank, she continued, "I mean, first I nearly have a heart attack, because I thought MALFOY was Head Boy, but it's you, which isn't much better. Not only do I have to be Head Girl with YOU as Head Boy, I have to share a dorm with you-"

James couldn't help feeling a little hurt. "Aw, come on," he said, "how bad could it be? Tell you what, how about I strike a deal with you?"

Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What kind of deal?" she asked, somewhat curious as to what he was talking about.

"YOU call me James and treat me like a friend, and- Wait!" he added hastily, seeing her open her mouth furiously. "And I'll refrain from asking out and bugging you in general for the rest of the year."

Lily considered it. On one hand, she'd have to be nice to Potter, but on the other hand, he would quit bugging her and asking her out.

"Deal…James," she said, holding out her hand. He grinned, shaking it.

"Now," said Lily in a businesslike tone. "If you'll excuse me, I need to try out my new on-suite bathroom." With that, she went back into her half of the dorm, shutting the door neatly behind her.

James sank onto his desk, his head hitting the table. _I REALLY didn't need to imagine what Lily would look like in the bath…_

Lily was happy.

Really happy.

Really really happy.

She had an on-suite! She had the softest bed imaginable! The only bad thing was, she would have to share the dorm with Po-James, remember to call him James!

Well, apart from the fact that she would no longer be in the same dorm as her friends.

She had flicked through some of the books and magazines in her room, and found them interesting. The books, that is. The magazines had mostly been Quidditch and broomstick ones. Though she enjoyed watching the game and was a staunch supporter of the Gryffindor team, she thought the whole thing was a bit overrated.

This had nothing to do with that fact that she suffered from vertigo and couldn't ride a broom to save her life.

Anyway, once she was done with her bath (though it was called a bath, it was the size of a swimming pool and had a gazillion taps) and had tried all the taps, she decided to go down to the Great Hall for dinner. When she exited the dorm into the study area, she noticed that Po-James had already gone down to dinner.

She walked down to the Great Hall, eagerly anticipating her meal. She had no sooner opened the door, when someone yelled, "FOOD FIGHT!"

Dobby: There you go, Winky, a nice cliffy for you, too.

Winky: hic Evil.

Kreacher: Hehe.

Winky: If Kreacher is lying beaten up in that sack where we left him, who're you?

Kreacher morphs into Dobby

Dobby: Haha, just messing around with Polyjuice Potion! Admit it, I scared you!

Winky: hic Creeped me out maybe, but never scared!

Dobby: Anyway, to our readers, please review!


	5. Loony, Pigtail, Clubfoot and Wrong

**A/N:** Hello folks, Dobby here! Winky sorta… um…drank too much butterbeer, so I is writing this chapter instead!

**Disclaimer:**

Dobby: Since Winky is…not here (read: lying drunk in the Room for Requirement), I is saying the Disclaimer by myself. We is not owning Mr. Harry Potter sir, we is working for him.

**Chapter Five – Loony, Pigtail, Clubfoot and Wrong**

End of Chapter Four

She Lily walked down to the Great Hall, eagerly anticipating her meal. She had no sooner opened the door, when someone yelled, "FOOD FIGHT!"

Back to Story

In less than three seconds, food was flying in all directions and a coconut cream pie – which was incidentally thrown from the Marauders' area – hit Lily in the face.

She turned toward the staff table, but to her horror, it was empty. It was now up to her and James to put a stop to this fight, as their positions were the most authorative in the school apart from the teachers.

_Speaking of James…_she looked around the Gryffindor table for him, and caught sight of his untidy black hair just as he ducked under the table to avoid an onslaught of pies, potatoes and who knew what else.

Lily felt a twinge of annoyance. He was supposed to be Head Boy, and he was hiding under a table when he should be taking authority! She also had a sneaking suspicion that it was him who had thrown the pie at her.

She walked to the front of the Great Hall and made several purple firecrackers come out of her wand. After five minutes or so, the Hall fell silent.

"Thank you," said Lily somewhat sarcastically. "Though I cannot put the whole school in detention, believe me, I would if I could. If I _ever _find out who started this food fight, they will be in detention for the next three weeks."

For some reason, when she said this, Sirius Black looked very happy. She continued, "Now let us resume dinner calmly, and twenty points are to be taken off every House in which anybody participated in this food fight."

Everybody immediately looked toward the four giant hourglasses. To nobody's surprise and everybody's dismay, twenty stones flew up in all of the bulbs. Some seventh year Slytherins looked like they wanted to argue, but Lily looked so dangerous with her face covered in coconut cream pie that nobody dared to disobey.

"_Scourgify_," muttered Lily, waving her wand around the Great Hall. Food disappeared off the floor and people – except for her – and reappeared neatly on the gleaming golden plates on the four long tables. In a matter of minutes, a babble of talk and laughter resumed and peace was restored. With luck, the teachers would never find out about this food fight.

Lily marched purposefully over to where James and the Marauders were sitting. Sirius and James were in a heated conversation when she went there.

"…stupid git!" she heard James storm at Sirius. "What did you go starting a food fight for?"

"Lighten up, James!" said Sirius equally indignantly. "It was just a joke, okay? God, you're starting to sound like- Oh hi, Lily!" said Sirius brightly, seeing her come over. He had his best innocent expression plastered on his face – it was a very good one, having been carefully cultivated over the past six years – but Lily knew better than to believe it.

"Thanks for your help back there, James," said Lily acidly. He had the decency to blush, at least.

"You managed fine by yourself," he mumbled, staring at the floor.

"And you, Black. I've heard enough to give you three weeks of detention as I threatened." She expected him to look annoyed or resentful, but a thoughtful expression spread over his face.

"Three weeks…that's twenty-one days…" he muttered, seemingly calculating something.

"Yes, well done, Black," said Lily sarcastically. "There ARE twenty-one days in three weeks!"

An expression of joy spread across his face, and he started jumping around yelling, "YES! YES! I'VE DONE IT!"

Lily, thoroughly bewildered looked at James as though for an answer.

"Padfoot'll break the record for the most detentions," said James resignedly, answering her unasked question. "Something he has been striving for since his first year."

They both watched Sirius jump around, then start screaming like a girl. Then Lily asked James a question about something she'd never really given much thought to.

"Why do you guys have those weird nicknames for yourselves? Loony, Pigtail, Clubfoot and Wrong, isn't it?" she asked curiously.

James burst out laughing. "Actually," he explained when he had stopped, "it's Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs."

"Yes," said Lily impatiently, "but what do those names _mean_?"

Maybe she was imagining it, but an odd closed sort of expression came onto James' face. "Oh," he said too lightly, "we just like those names, they don't mean anything." He did not quite meet her eyes when he said that.

She did not press him further. After all, it was none of her business, really.

They both started eating dinner, Lily eating at a speed that would've made Sirius Black proud. When she finally looked up to take a sip of pumpkin juice, she found James staring at her with a dazed expression on his face.

She waved her knife and fork in the air and chewed harder. "What?" she finally asked, having swallowed the humongous bite of chicken she had been eating.

"How did you eat so much?" he asked incredulously. "And so fast? Where does it all go?"

"Oh," she said, somewhat surprised. "Well, it's sort of like a talent. You're talking to the resident pie-eating champion, so I guess I sort of trained for it."

He laughed. "Oh? What kind of-"

"Coconut cream pie, actually," said Lily, taking some off her cheek and licking her finger.

James blushed. "Oh … right," he said sheepishly. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay," said Lily, Scourgifying her face. "At least tasted good – it would've been worse if you'd thrown some of Hagrid's cooking at me!"

They both laughed, and resumed eating dinner.

Later, when the last few dishes had cleared themselves of food and people started heading out of the Great Hall, James turned to Lily. "Oh yeah, Lily," he said as if just remembering something. "I wanted to ask you something."

Lily slowly faced him. Surely not…he had promised before…he wouldn't, would he…?


	6. Friends, Finally

----

Winky: Hi Everyone! I'm better!  
Dobby: Yeah. She had to make a trip to the room of requirement…  
Winky: ----whacks Dobby's arm lightly----  
Dobby: Hey! Anyways, we have decided to write…  
Winky: The next chapter.  
Dobby: I made her do it. She love making cliffies  
Winky: But I hate writing after DOBBY does one. Humph.  
Dobby: hope you like - Winky is here this time for the disclaimer, so, We is not owning Mr. Harry Potter sir, we is working for him.  
Winky: This is dedicated to Dumbledore!

----

--------------------End of Chapter Five--------------------  
Later, when the last few dishes had cleared themselves of food and people started heading out of the Great Hall, James turned to Lily. "Oh yeah, Lily," he said as if just remembering something. "I wanted to ask you something."

Lily slowly faced him. Surely not…he had promised before…he wouldn't, would he…?

----------------Start of Chapter Six--------------------

**Chapter Six – Friends, Finally.**

James ran his hand through his hair, and said, "Would you like- oomph!"

Sirius had suddenly tackled him down to the ground, his hand over his mouth.

"Whoops, sorry Prongs, I slipped! You nearly did too!" Sirius smirked.

James's eyes widened in recognition. He stood up and brushed himself off.

Lily was not amused.

At all.

She had a very big frown on her face.

James mentally kicked himself.

"Well, Potter?"

But James didn't have time to answer.

"LILY!" Lily was suddenly swept off her feet by someone behind her.

When the person let her go, she turned around. "Frank! Alice! Hestia!"

She gave them a big hug.

She had almost forgotten about them! She loved her friends.

They let go. All of them had a twinkle in their eye.

"So, forgot about us, hey Lily?" Frank asked.

Alice joined in. "Yeah, going to ditch us for James?"

Hestia laughed. "Yeah. Humph. Bighead Girl…"

Lily lightly whacked each of them on the shoulder. "You know I would never ever ever ever do that!"

They smiled. "We know you wouldn't, Lily!" Frank exclaimed.

"Oh, and nice show, with the pie. We really enjoyed it…" Hestia added. 

"TIA! Stop. It was so not funny."

"Tia now? I thought I was Hestia a moment ago… I hate that name!" She shook her black hair and her amethyst eyes twinkled.

"Yeah Yeah yeah. You should see my dorm! Its great - I even have a bathroom. The only downfall is that I have to share it with-"

"Potter?" Frank asked. He shook his brown hair with laughter. Frank was also considered one of the "catches" of the school - he was a gentleman and very cheeky and smart.

Alice laughed and tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder. "No! That is so funny - Potter must be so happy…"

They all laughed at Lily's face. "You guys are so mean!"

Hestia noticed, looking over Lily's shoulder that James was staring longingly at Lily, at the way she laughed and talked and waved her hands all over the place. She nodded her head. He was so in love with her.

Frank and Alice finished talking to Lily, and they were now pulling Tia along with them out of the Great Hall.

They walked all along to the Gryffindor Common room.

Suddenly James ran up to them. "Lily, Lily, there's-"

He was panting so hard he sat down on the floor.

"What, James?"

"She called him James!" Frank yelled.

Lily shot him a dirty look.

"Sirius and Snape… third floor…"

And then he collapsed.

----

Winky: Na Na Na Na Na!  
Dobby: Humph. Another cliffy!  
Winky: Sucker!  
Dobby: I love you too.  
Winky: Please Read and Review!  
Dobby: Please?

----Love, the Drunk Elves!----

----


	7. The Attack of the Kneazles

Dobby: Ha, see Winky, I updated!

Winky: Sure took you long enough.

Dobby: Sorry for the wait, folks, I hope this chappie makes up for it!

Winky: For your sake, I hope it does too. strangles Dobby

Dobby: choke Read and choke review, people!

Chapter Seven – Attack of the Kneazles 

End of Chapter Six

"Sirius and Snape…third floor…"

And then he James collapsed.

End of Chapter Six

Lily was numb with shock for a second, then recovered her composure and remembered she was Head Girl. She was about to rush off to the third floor, then remembered that James was Head Boy and that he was supposed to be helping her.

She jerked him up by his tie and dragged him half-choking along to the third floor with her wand drawn.

"I knew you wanted me, Lily," gasped James, whose breathing was getting shallower and shallower as his tie choked him, "but I didn't know it was this bad!"

Lily rolled her eyes and tugged harder on his tie.

Frank, Alice and Hestia followed, running to keep up.

When they finally reached the third floor, all hell had broken loose.

James tried to breathe, but his tie, being dragged along by Lily, was constricting his air passages. He could hardly see because his glasses were hanging off one ear and his wand was in his back pocket where he couldn't reach it.

So, all in all, he wasn't in a very comfortable position. _'This couldn't get any worse,' _he thought moodily.

When they arrived at the third floor, James revised his opinion. _'It just got worse.'_

There seemed to be two sides to the fight: Gryffindor and Slytherin. In the lead were Sirius, who was hurling random hexes at the Slytherins and Remus, who was trying to stop Sirius and shield his own face with a book. The main Slytherins were Lucius Malfoy, who was doing the same as Sirius, Severus Snape and the other Malfoy groupies who were doing whatever Lucius told them.

Behind them were random Gryffindors and Slytherins who were passing by and decided to join in on the fun. Peter Pettigrew was curled up in a ball at the corner of the scene, whimpering.

Suddenly, a Slytherin sixth-year sent a hex at Remus' book shield, and it tore in half and burst into flames.

Remus turned purple and the werewolf inside him acted on its first instinct: kill whoever harmed the book, think later.

In two seconds, he had lunged at the stunned Slytherin and was punching every inch of him he could reach. "That-" Punch. "-was-" Punch. "-my-" Punch. "-copy-" Punch. "-of-" Punch. "-Hogwarts-" Punch. "-a-" Punch. "-History!"

With one last punch for good measure, Remus left the whimpering Slytherin on the ground and, forgetting about his Prefect duties, joined in on the fight.

Lily stood for a second, completely stunned at the scene being played out around her, and James, seizing the opportunity, took a breath.

Lily jumped into action, still dragging the tie, and James was choking again.

"Levicorpus!"

Severus Snape was jerked into the air, as if a hook had grabbed onto his ankle, but before he could curse over his predicament, he was dropped.

Yes. Dropped.

Heavily.

Directly on top of Lucius Malfoy.

Who was then immobilized with a clever Stunning Spell.

Before Snape could run, he was Stunned as well.

Most of the Slytherins tried to run for it, now that their leaders were out of the game.

But just then, a person appeared. A person who Lily kicked herself for not calling on earlier.

Professor Minerva McGonagall was striding towards the motley bunch with her nostrils white and flaring.

"Mr. Lupin, please stop punching that poor Slytherin at once!"

Remus looked up, his fist still poised over the petrified Slytherin's nose. "But Professor, he- Hogwart: A History!"

Professor McGonagall merely looked over the top of her square spectacles at him and he hastily got off the Slytherin.

"Miss Evans, please let go of Mr. Potter's tie. I'm afraid that if he chokes, it will mean a lot of tedious paperwork I will have to mention it on your job application."

Lily looked at James with some surprise. He was indeed turning purple and seemed to be having trouble breathing. She let go at once.

McGonagall sent off all the hurt students to the hospital wing, took a round fifty points off both Gryffindor and Slytherin, then gave James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, Snape and Malfoy a detention for that Saturday and promptly stalked off.

"What are we looking for again?"

"Kneazles."

"Why?"

"I don't know why, Pot- James, stop bugging me!"

"Sorry, I just wanted to know why."

"I think they escaped from a Care of Magical Creatures class."

"Oh."

"OW!"

There was a loud yell from behind them, and Lucius Malfoy was sprawled out on the ground.

Lily wondered why the hell Professor McGonagall had to choose who to put her in groups with to do the detention.

She was sure that the imperial Head of Gryffindor had put her with the two people she hated the most on purpose.

James Potter and Lucius Malfoy. Yippee. What fun. Not.

James was so busy laughing at Malfoy tripping that he failed to notice the tree root that was right in front of him.

Now it was Lily's turn to laugh. And laugh she did. Loudly.

"Ah, shut up," muttered James, getting up from the ground; Lily noticed the back of his neck turning red.

"I think we found the Kneazles," added James in a strange voice.

"Why?" asked Lily curiously.

James turned around and even Malfoy got his turn to laugh. Which he did. Very loudly. Rolling on the ground.

"Oh my God, you've got Kneazle crap on your face!"

James looked to Lily for support, but she was biting her lip and couldn't help the snort that escaped her.

"GROSS!"

The yell had once again come from behind them. And once again, it was Lucius Malfoy.

"AAAHHHHHH! I ROLLED IN KNEAZLE CRAP!" Malfoy began frantically trying to wipe himself off onto a tree, and Lily, thinking quickly, got out her wand and conjured a camera.

She took picture after picture of Malfoy, and got in a few snaps of James as well.

"Oh my God, this is such good blackmail! I've got a picture of James Potter with Kneazle crap on his face and Lucius Malfoy humping a tree!"

James lunged at her, trying to get the camera and destroy it, but Lily was too quick. With an efficient spell, she sent the camera to a safe place in her dorm room.

James groaned from the ground where he had fallen after he missed the lunge, "You. Are. So. Evil." When he got up, he was covered from head to toe in Kneazle droppings.

Lily decided to follow the trails of droppings so that they could find the Kneazles and get this over and done with. Malfoy was still busy wiping himself off on a tree, so Lily and James decided to go on.

James said, with a sweeping gesture of his hand, "Ladies first."

Lily smirked and said, pointing to the part of forest they were going into, "Well, what are you waiting for, then?"

James scowled and grudgingly went first.

"OW!"

"Oops, sorry, Snivellus," sniggered Sirius, "I should have held back that tree branch for longer, shouldn't I?"

"Shut up, Black," snarled Snape. He quickly conjured a tree root right in front of Sirius, who promptly tripped.

Remus rolled his eyes and sighed wearily. This had been going on for the past half an hour and they still hadn't found the missing Kneazles.

They went on through the forest and nothing more eventful than Sirius and Snape's bickering happened until-

"SHIT! I'VE GOT A FREAKING KNEAZLE BITING MY LEG!"

"Are we there yet?"

"No, look, there's still a trail of droppings."

"Are we there yet?"

"I said 'no'."

"Are we there yet?"

"Look, this is REALLY starting to get just the TEENSIEST bit annoying. NO, we are NOT there yet."

"Are we there yet?"

"NO, WE'RE NOT THERE YET, POTTER!"

"You promised not to call me Potter!"

"I was not 'calling' you Potter, I was referring to you as Potter."

They walked in silence for a while, James looking a bit disgruntled.

"Meet me at the Three Broomsticks next Hogsmeade trip."

"You said you wouldn't ask me out again!"

"I was not 'asking' you out, I was telling you out."

"Touché, James," said Lily, putting a particular emphasis on his first name and looking up at him and smiling in amusement.

Yes. Smiling. Not the sarcastic little smile that she often wore when she turned him down. A full, warm smile with-with teeth and everything! He had seen her smile before, but it had never been directed at him. 'Merlin, I hope I'm not drooling…'

James was so busy staring at Lily with his jaw hanging and memorizing every bit of that radiant smile that he didn't see the tree that was right in front of him.

"OW!"

This was not, as one might have assumed, because James had crashed into a tree. Well, it was partly because of that.

But the main reason James had yelled was because there was a Kneazle clamped on his head.

"Get it off, get it off," wailed Snape, desperately trying to tear away the Kneazle that was clinging to his leg determinedly.

Sirius nearly wet his pants laughing at Snape's predicament. That is, until another Kneazle leapt at him and bit him in the groin area.

Snape even forgot his pain and panic to laugh so hard at Sirius that he wet his pants. Literally.

Needless to say, the Kneazle let go extremely quickly and ran towards Remus instead.

"Shit," muttered Remus before running like hell.

Lily screamed in shock, then laughed. Really hard.

"A little help here," came James' voice sounding muffled and disgruntled that she was taking this opportunity to laugh at him.

Lily wiped the last tears of laughter from her eyes, then she walked slowly up to the Kneazle and James.

Slowly, she raised her hand and petted the Kneazle's fur. It purred and jumped into her arms where it lay contentedly, purring while she stroked it.

"Awww, you're so cute," cooed Lily, kissing the top of its head.

James stared at the Kneazle, wishing more than anything that he had been born one.

'This is ridiculous…I'm jealous of a freaking Kneazle…'

Remus ran as fast as he could, the Kneazle chasing him, its teeth bared. He had left Sirius groaning on the ground and Snape writhing and screaming hysterically.

Suddenly, he crashed into something very solid. No, it wasn't a tree. It turned out to have very messy hair and glasses that hung off one ear as Remus crashed into it.

The 'it' turned out to be not so much of an 'it' as it was a 'him'.

"Remus, what the hell?" asked James, startled.

Remus looked fearfully over his shoulder. "Kneazle…attack…Sirius…groin…"

Before James or Lily could ask him to elaborate what this meant, another Kneazle burst through the thick undergrowth of the forest.

Both Remus and James yelled and jumped instinctively behind Lily, who had, after all, tamed the first Kneazle.

Before they could worry about the Kneazle, there was a rustling sound from the bushes. It sounded like something large was staggering though the undergrowth.

The second Kneazle jumped into Lily's arms and trembled.

James stood in front of Lily with his wand out.

It sounded like the thing was getting closer to them. Judging by the sound it was making, it seemed ever larger than they had first anticipated.

Lily squeaked in alarm and instinctively moved closer to James.

The thing in the bushes was definitely nearing them now.

An owl hooted in the distance and a wolfish howl was heard from somewhere nearby (no, it was not Remus).

Now Lily was absolutely terrified. She moved even closer to James, if that was possible; she was practically pressed into his robes.

She hoped that whatever it was would not be something very dangerous, though judging by the noise it was making, it probably was.

James felt warm and tingly and he was practically floating; this was the closest Lily had ever been to him. She was practically pressed into the back of his robes.

However, there was a more pressing matter at hand.

There was something in the bushes and whatever it was, it was advancing fast.

"BLOODY HELL!"

Dobby: That was the seventh chappie of our round-robin fic, folks!

Winky: Cookies and butterbeer to the person who guesses what the thing advancing from the bushes is!

Dobby: Winky, it's up to you to decide, so get to writing chapter eight!

Winky: I'm on it.

Love, the Drunkies!


	8. The Enchanted Moving Cloak

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Disclaimer:  
Winky: For once and for all.  
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Dobby: Contact us. Please!  
Winky: Okaaaaay!  
Dobby:Onwards with the (finally finished) chapter!

**Chapter Eight – The Enchanted Moving Cloak**

End of Chapter Seven

James felt warm and tingly and he was practically floating; this was the closest Lily had ever been to him. She was practically pressed into the back of his robes.

However, there was a more pressing matter at hand.

There was something in the bushes and whatever it was, it was advancing fast.

"BLOODY HELL!"

Start of Chapter Eight

They heard a rustle.

Then another rustle.

Then _another _rustle.

What was with all the rustling!

"Is it here yet?" James asked with his eyes shut.

"No," Lily whispered.

"Is it here now?" James asked with his eyes _still _shut.

"No," Lily whispered.

"Is it here _now?"_ James asked with his eyes _still _shut.

"NO! Shut _UP! _!" Remus, this time, answered.

Lily, James and Remus stood as still as they possibly could.

The Kneazles scampered off into the bushes.

After standing like that for a few minutes…

They relaxed.

Until Lily started screaming, that is.

Emerging from the bushes was a ripped black cloak, edges fluttering slightly.

James laughed. "Lily, it's just an enchanted cloak-"

Remus whacked him "James, it's a Lethifold! We're going to die!"

And, it looked like, they were.

Lily looked fearfully at the Lethifold coming nearer and nearer to her. _What's the spell to make them go away again? _

She saw Remus get his wand out, but the Lethifold was just two feet away.

She tried to move, but was frozen in shock. _Good lord, I never thought I would die this way – trying to hunt for Kneazles in the Forbidden Forest with Snape, Black, Remus, Potter and Malfoy! Great. Just great. _

Suddenly the Lethifold was one foot away. Remus and James had started firing spells, but to no avail –

James looked in horror as the thing-Lethifold got closer to Lily.

_"Stupefy!"_ Remus called out.

James was trying to think back to the day in fourth year when they were reading the excerpt from 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them…

_The class was dully looking at their Care of Magical Creatures Professor – he forgot the name. James looked longingly at the red head in front of him as she answered the professor's question._

"Yes, Miss Evans?"

"Well, Professor, the earliest account of someone ever seeing a Lethifold was in 1782, with a man called Flavius Belby. He had pretended to be asleep when a Lethifold crept under the door. To make a long story short, he tried numerous amounts of spells until he was almost dead, but his Patronus won out in the end-

THAT WAS IT! A PATRONUS! James was brought back to life when Remus hit him.

James looked over to Lily to see that she was still frozen in shock.

Remus had continued wildly aiming spells but the closest he had gotten was to missing the Lethifold and turning Lily interesting shades of blue, which was no good, or making her dance wildly. He turned her back.

James fumbled for his wand, trying to think up a happy memory. _When he first saw Lily and they became friends-_

Lily was suffocating – going down down down into a deep darkness-

She could breath a bit better – what was going on? Was she dead? In heaven? _Was_ there a heaven!

She opened her eyes. Far away, the Lethifold was fleeing from a ghost-like shape.

_Of course! _The Patronus Charm! She was so stupid.

She ran over to Remus, grateful. "Thanks so much for saving me, Remus!"

James looked at her, hurt.

Remus answered, "James saved you, Lily."

Lily turned pink.

"Oh, sorry," she said, turning away from Remus and giving James a grateful smile.

James felt his whole face heat up.

Darn.

He could hear Lily babbling to him.

"But what _is _your patronus?"

"A stag," he mumbled.

"But what made it choo-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH GET THEM _OFF!"_

Saved by the bell, James thought.

Then started laughing.

And cracking up.

The so-called _bell _was Malfoy.

Running around like a chook with its head chopped off.

And two Kneazles clamped on his butt.

And one on his head.

And three chasing him.

Lily snorted.

Remus laughed.

James fell to the ground laughing.

Only James and Remus noticed the 'stray' black dog chasing after Malfoy with a – ahem – limp.

The laughed more.

Remus conjured a camera and took a _few _pictures.

Only a _few_.

No, really.

They had just stopped laughing, and took their things when Lily stood up.

The surrounding Kneazles all ran to her (six of them, Malfoy had run to the castle and whacked them off, presumably) and jumped in her arms.

They started purring and fell asleep.

"See, aren't they cute!" She cooed, forgetting about everyone around her.

James found himself jealous of the Kneazle once more.

_I have _really _got to stop getting jealous of Kneazles! _He thought.

They all walked up to the castle, pausing once to laugh at Malfoy clutching his butt and his… well… ahem.

Lily snorted.

Remus took another picture, always the practical one.

James cracked up again.

Lily lay in bed, circles under her eyes. She _had _to give the Kneazles to McGonagall, but if she didn't have to she would have kept them… She drifted off to sleep.

It seemed like minutes before Tia woke her up.

"RISE AND SHUUU-INE!" Tia said, bouncing on the bed.

"Shuuuuu-ine? Tia, Tia. How many times do we have to tell you NOT to make up stupid words?"

"Knock knock, you girls decent?"

"Frank! Darling!" Tia jumped on him.

Sirius yelled. "FRANK! How come YOU are up THERE!"

"Because the girls asked me in, so I get to go up!"

"WHAT! Hey, NO FAIR! At least you don't have to ASK if they are DECENT! Be a GUY, dude!" Sirius yelled.

Frank rolled his eyes.

Lily mumbled, "He _is_ a guy. At least _he_ isn't a cross-dresser, Sirius!" And rolled over.

Frank looked interested. "What!"

James looked out the window.

Today was the day.

He would –

Winky: You likes?  
Dobby: We likes!  
Wonky: We is happy because we just got a shipment of butterbeers!  
Dibby: And a bit of firewhiskey!  
Wonky: Is butterbeer is good-  
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Dobby: Anyways… guess what James is going to do and win a…  
Winky: Win a….  
Dobby: Win a….  
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End file.
